Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
