jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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