In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
