You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
