I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
