i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
