theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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