weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
