yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
