dude i'm inner monologue high
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
