Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
