I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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