capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
