I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they need to just BURY HIM!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
