Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He kissed a someone with a penis
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
