ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
