so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
