Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
