living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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