Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How external is "for external use only"?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
