pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
