"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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