Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
