that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
