uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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