super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
