she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
