i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
