so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
