I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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