And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
