I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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