Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
