even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
