Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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