make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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