she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
