my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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