I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
