Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
