I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
