can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
