so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
