I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
