Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
