How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
