I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I said "one day" and that day is not today
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
