Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
