At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
