So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
