Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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