I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
