i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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