the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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