Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
